The last time I wrote a proper journal was back in may!!
Better get updating!
So.. What has happened recently?
Well I got back in college on a photography course! My college programme is great! My tutors are lovely and a lot more professional than my old college! I actually feel like I am 'learning' something and not doing something for the hell of it! I already got a merit on my first assignment which I was one of the first in my class to complete it! I am going to try and get to University after college is over, the nearest being for what I want to study would be either Warrington or Chester! (better save for my travel fees eh?) well I still have 3 years before University.
I've been doing great with my boyfriend, and have met some lovely people and made new friends (whom are full of positivity!) these past couple of weeks.
Life is much easier now than my past year and I am not scared to leave my comfort zone.
Well I am off to college now!
What is life like after assault trauma?
Well.. the true answer to that is destruction!
To yourself and those around you.
When someone has put you through that something that is so horrendous and revolting, you cannot imagine how you will survive after the attack of assault.
Those with the strongest willpower can overcome it but even then it becomes a weakness... and a matter of trust. It becomes very difficult to trust people, especially if your own family and friends shun you and make you feel more worse of a disgrace than you felt before they knew anything.
You see so many people say to those who have been abused or assaulted that they should tell those they're close to or authorities, but that can make you feel a thousand times worse, the questions, the drama, the disgust on their faces as they try to defend their own minds in disbelief. How can one truly fight this battle when they're fighting alone?
What of that person struggling the flashbacks and nightmares? do they really care? or are they just making excuses to ignore you and stop you 'putting your problems on them?'
I don't know... truth is I don't care! I have struggled abuse and assault and not one of my family members ever ask how I am! It has been a year.. my breaking points, my suffering. It was all worth it in the end to find out who really was there for me, who could show me love after I felt unloved and worthless. And to teach myself that no matter how bad the suffering, I can pull through and cope.
Short poem I wrote
Why don't you listen?
Why don't you care?
Why can't you see?
I don't want to share!
You want what you cannot have!
I want what you wont allow!
Why cant you let me?
Why do you have to doubt?
I am now 18!
Carefree and strong!
Pulling through in a matter of time!
making all efforts to my wrongs!
email me: Sotographi@hotmail.com